Solaris

An interview with Ack-Ack Macaque

4 years ago

An Interview with Ack-Ack Macaque


To celebrate the launch of Macaque Attack on January 15th, we wanted to get an interview with the star of the ‘Macaque’ trilogy, Ack-Ack himself. Unfortunately, the first three correspondents we sent to meet with him disappeared, never to be heard from again. Finally, out of desperation, we asked the trilogy’s author, Gareth L. Powell, to interview his rowdy creation, and soon received the following transcription. Apparently Gareth arranged to meet the monkey in a bar on the harbourside in Bristol. Unfortunately, we can’t verify the accuracy of the recording, as the bar has since burned down and all the witnesses to the conversation have gone into hiding.

 

[Tape starts]

GLP: I am here this evening with Ack-Ack Macaque. Say hello, Ack-Ack.

AAM: [mumbles]

GLP: Please speak into the microphone.

AAM: IS THAT BETTER?

GLP: It’ll do.

AAM: You got some questions for me?

GLP: Well, yes.

[Sound of glasses clinking, spirit being poured.]

GLP: First off, I want to ask you how you feel about the new book?

AAM: How I feel? What is this, a therapy session? As far as I remember, the deal was that I tell you my life story and you write it all down and cash the cheques. There’s no ‘feel’ about it.

GLP: But this is the last one. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?

AAM: It’s a hell of a read, although there’s probably too much ‘characterisation’ in it for my taste. You spend too much time bringing to life all the people in the story. You should have put in more bits about me being heroic and blowing shit up.

GLP: We’ve been together for three years now. This might be the last time we work together.

AAM: Hah!

GLP: What about the cover illustration by Jake Murray? I thought it was very striking.

AAM: Yeah, I’m a handsome bastard. But what is it with that title? ‘Macaque Attack’. Who came up with that?

GLP: At least it rhymes.

AAM: Fuck rhyming.

[Further sounds of pouring]

GLP: You’re just being objectionable for the sake of it, aren’t you? 

AAM: Oh, shut up, Powell. Why don’t you fuck off back to your garret and write another of those space operas you’re so fond of? 

GLP: Maybe I will. 

AAM: Yeah, don’t worry about me. You go and have fun with your space battles and alien monsters. I’ll be fine.

GLP: Are you jealous?

AAM: [Snorts] Piss off. 

GLP: [After a long silence] So, as this might be your last chance, do you have anything you’d like to say to the ladies and gentlemen? 

AAM: Yeah. [Clears throat] Okay. LISTEN UP HUMANS! There are always bastards out there trying to take away your freedom, your stuff and your lives. And it’s up to me to fight them. I save the world so you don’t have to. The least you can do is pick up a copy of the book. Hell, pick up copies of ALL my books, and get a load of my adventures. Find out why I’m the baddest, snarlingest, ass-kickingest monkey on this sorry excuse for a planet. 

GLP: Is that it?

AAM: You want more, you’re going to have to buy another bottle. This one seems to be empty. 

[Sound of glass smashing against the wall]

GLP: Hey, don’t do that. You’ll get us thrown out.

AAM: You think I give a crap? I’ve been thrown out of way better places than this.

GLP: The bouncers are coming over. 

AAM: Oooh, scary.

GLP: They look angry.

AAM: Yeah? Well, watch this…

[Sound of chair legs scraping. Table flips. Recording ends.]

Macaque Attack is our 15th January in the UK, you can catch Gareth and Ack-Ack on tour (should you dare) at the following places:

15/01 - Forbidden Planet Bristol, 6-7pm 
16/01 - Forbidden Planet Cambridge, 6-7pm
17/01 - Forbidden Planet London - 1-2pm
21/01 - Forbidden Planet Southampton - 6-7pm
22/01 - Forbidden Planet Birmingham - 6-7pm
29/01 - Waterstones Liverpool 1 - an evening with Gareth L Powell from 6:30pm